Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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