Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You smell like stripper and shame
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
