If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
