If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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