he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
