Moan for me like Helen Keller
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
