so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
