you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
