And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
