Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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