If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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