That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
