I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
