and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
