I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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