Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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