Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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