I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
