I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
