Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
