I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
