He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
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Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
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U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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