His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize