You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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