We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
