I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
