The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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