Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
