I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
