i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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