Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
