PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
