the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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