Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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