how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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