i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
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And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
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YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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