i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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