I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
