got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
