She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
