just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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