Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
