smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
operation harelip BJ is a go
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
