I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
