she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
