saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
