I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
