Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
