Even the bartender felt bad for me
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
