It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
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she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
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There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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