a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
