Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.