I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
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Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
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I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.