Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(213): View more from California

What happened to our ballroom dancing plans

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(213): What happened to our ballroom dancing plans http://tfl.nu/sshq

Replies (1) Good night (899) Bad night (996)
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(626): View more from California

and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.

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(626): and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name. http://tfl.nu/n8x4

Replies (13) Good night (2876) Bad night (798)
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(781): View more from Massachusetts

Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis

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(781): Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis http://tfl.nu/4nxt

Replies (22) Good night (3964) Bad night (807)
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(313): View more from Michigan

i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home

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(313): i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home http://tfl.nu/61ja

Replies (63) Good night (1062) Bad night (5490)
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(917): View more from New York City

I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.

(917): View more from New York City

Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.

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(917): I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads. (917): Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful. http://tfl.nu/kyyh

Replies (23) Good night (7521) Bad night (822)
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(205): View more from Alabama

they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"

(205): View more from Alabama

pick me up NOW

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(205): they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve" (205): pick me up NOW http://tfl.nu/weqr

Replies (17) Good night (1356) Bad night (4900)
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(631): View more from New York

It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.

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(631): It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom. http://tfl.nu/aix7

Replies (48) Good night (6579) Bad night (2010)
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(315): View more from New York

making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke

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(315): making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke http://tfl.nu/o15u

Replies (9) Good night (4919) Bad night (1110)
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(812): View more from Indiana

You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party

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(812): You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party http://tfl.nu/gmt6

Replies (10) Good night (6075) Bad night (1513)
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(416): View more from Toronto

You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..

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(416): You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water.. http://tfl.nu/3ccr

Replies (16) Good night (1380) Bad night (4282)
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(862): View more from New Jersey

I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?

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(862): I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this? http://tfl.nu/11gl

Replies (3) Good night (984) Bad night (4097)
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(303): View more from Colorado

hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!

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(303): hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you! http://tfl.nu/45j7

Replies (7) Good night (3629) Bad night (905)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.

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(+44): I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka. http://tfl.nu/sj2z

Replies (6) Good night (3508) Bad night (1288)
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(207): View more from Maine

That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"

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(207): That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain" http://tfl.nu/84lt

Replies (3) Good night (1592) Bad night (913)
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(418): View more from Quebec

You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner

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(418): You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner http://tfl.nu/wvf5

Replies (6) Good night (990) Bad night (479)

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