Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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