I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
