This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that