I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
