Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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