I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
