East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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