$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
