Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize