I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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