How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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