i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
two words: eviction party
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
