I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
