I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
