in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
please come you make the beer taste better
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
