did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
