Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
