those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
