Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize