so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
