We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
3pm strippers are depressing
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
