I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
