I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
