i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
