Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
