You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
